The Butterfly Effect

Some may wonder why I chose the title of this blog as Butterfly Effect? Actually, AJ picked this as his domain name just before the accident. You see, AJ had the rest of his life ahead of him. Typical of many young kids, he made a few bad choices in life, hadn't finished school, was diagnosed with a learning disability, and living life on life's terms was not easy for him, but as with many young men moving on to adulthood, he also realized he needed to change. He went back to school, was working on his GED and only needed his reading score to pass. He was working part-time going to school and wanted to have a family someday. He was looking forward to a good decent life and he coined the name Butterfly Effect because he was transforming becoming a man. Now this transformation has taken on a new meaning, fighting for his life, but the roots of its definition are still within my son. 

Besides transformation, there is another story about the Butterfly Effect during metamorphosis about the abrupt change in cell growth, body structure. and behavior. The caterpillar that once roamed on the ground, develops wings and flies. It is during this phase of metamorphosis and struggle to get out of its cocoon, will the butterfly's wings fill with fluid and develop its strength to fly. The butterfly cannot be helped to get out of the cocoon during its struggle, otherwise its wings will not fill with fluid or develop the strength to fly.  

 "Transforming states of consciousness from one dimension to another..."

The principles of the Chaos theory is to the Butterfly Effect; unpredictable. It teaches to expect the unexpected. Things that are impossible to predict or control, like our brain states. Small changes in the initial condition lead to drastic changes in the results. We cannot hope to predict the ultimate fate of a complex system.  This effect grants the power to cause a hurricane in China to a butterfly flapping its wings in New Mexico.  It may take a very long time, but the connection is real.

I know of AJ's will and determination. I can see responses, progress and emotions in my son that doctors cannot. When AJ was asked to open his eyes, he did, this was not just a reflex. When asked, he raised his finger when in pain, this was not a reflex…..the list goes on. It is these small little occurrences that I have seen that tell me my son is trying to communicate. He is struggling to emerge, transforming states from his subconscious, a  dimension of near death to a new state of consciousness. These little responses soon have become bigger responses and he is still trying to communicate…. it is  impossible to predict or control, but the connection is very real. It has taught me to expect the unexpected.

The icon of the butterfly with its wings taped represents my son. He is stuck, locked-in, his wings have spread, his mind state has changed. I want to help him, but I am helpless, it is up to him. He has the strength to pull himself free. I pray everyday for continued strength and the will to thrive.